...upon further review I have concluded that my characters are too heavy and loaded with Issues™ for the PPC, and on top of that, Leo's a bit of a strawman rather than a three-dimensional character. Therefore, my already-written Permission Attempt is rendered null and void. (I forgot to write the bios anyway.)
Thank you for offering to look over them, but I don't think there's anything that can be done to save them in their current forms.

I'd be willing to beta for you, although I myself haven't yet gotten Permission.

My email is wqwritesstuff@gmail.com, if you're interested.